New Opportunities

Today Gabe & I were talking about how much has happened in our family this past year. A year ago today we were on the beach in Florida, not realizing what was in store.

Even though it has been a year full of trial after trail, we are starting to see how God has really been working things out along the way.

Sometimes God has you wait b/c He is still forming things to His plan... afterall, His timeline is not ours.

Well, for an update...

I am the new kindergarten teacher at a Christian School in town next year. It is a completely different setting, as I've only taught in public schools- but a new start I'm looking forward to.

Gabe is still job searching. Unemployement didn't go through because of the wording of his lay off from his old company, so our budget has been on the tight side of things.
He has an interview tomorrow at a company that I pray he gets into.

We are trusting the Lord for his timing with expanding our family. I will be truthful and say that there are still moments where I get sad thinking of what could have been... but I know God has a plan. I also know that one day when I get to Heaven I will finally get to hold my precious baby... until then, Jesus will hold him for me .

Discouragement...or Hope?

Earlier today I was going to come on this blog and rant.
I was discouraged, and even though this isn't really read by anyone, it makes me feel a little better just writing down my thoughts.

BUT...

Then the Lord did what the Lord does best... He gave me a little unexpected blessing.

At Bible Study tonight, we talked about the power of prayer.
We broke into our prayer groups & talked honestly about what was going on in our lives that we needed to bring to the Lord.
Well, it was just what I needed.
"When two or more come in His name..."

Thank you, Lord, for putting my perspective back where it should be.

Sometimes circumstances bring you down to your knees where the only place to look is up to the Lord.

Discouraged

On a scale of one to ten... right now I'm feeling like a 2.

I. am. discouraged.

I got a flyer in the mail yesterday that reminded me that my baby is due soon & I can save with the coupons inside....
something so simple can just ruin a day.

I tried to put it out of my mind.

I really did.

But now? Honestly, it's stuck like glue.

I have several friends who have had babies lately (even this past week)... and one of my close friends is due on my...well, my old, due date. It's not her fault, but every time I think about it my heart breaks a little.

How can I stop feeling like this?

Maybe it's because I'll be 30 soon and I am DEFINATELY feeling the clock ticking...

So where does this leave me?

Waiting, praying, hoping, trying my best not to feel discouraged....

Trying not to compare

Do you feel like everyone around you is moving forward... and you're stuck in place?

That's how I'm feeling at the moment.
It's frustrating because I'm trying to keep my attitude positive. I'm trying to keep hope that things will start turning around soon & that all of the trials over the past few months really helped Gabe & I grow.

But sometimes I just want to yell that it's not fair! We have been diligently job searching. Doing everything we can think of to secure jobs in the near future... and then... I see people who have horrible work ethics... apply & are hired instantly. It is so frustrating!

Every area of our life right now is full of struggles... and instead of curling up into a ball, I've faced it head on & am trying to hold onto hope.

So, when are things going to start turning around?
*sigh*

New Beginnings

I took a hard step today. I tried something new, and it was ok.

Life has been hard lately. Gabe & I have been climbing up a mountain, stumbling the entire way to the top.

We were hoping that 2011 would be a new year, a brand new start. 2010 ended badly for us. December was one of the hardest months I've ever lived through.

Gabe and I have been married almost 4 years. We dated for 2 years before that. We had been trying to conceive for 3 years, eager to start a family. We were having trouble getting pregnant, so we went to the doctor and did all of the AWFUL tests to see if there was a problem. Then... miracles of miracles, the strip turned to a plus... we were pregnant!! I have never been so happy in my entire life. I was so filled with joy that I thought I was going to burst! I tried my hardest to do everything right... changed my eating habits, lifestyle.

Then came December... I was so thankful for the little gift that was coming!

Gabe's birthday is Dec 8th... it was during the week, so we didn't get to celebrate. We were going to wait for the weekend. On Dec 9th I had a dr's apt & everything was going great. But then that evening... that evening I had the worst experience of my life. Long horrible story short, I spent the entire night in the ER and lost my baby. We were devestated.

A week later Gabe was laid off from his job...

A month after that I was informed that my teaching job was being cut the following year due to funding...

One of our cars died... our other car had a flat- and a flat spare...

I got very sick and the doctor couldn't figure out what it was (stress?!)

Not to mention the depression... anger... stages of grief...

But we clung together. We grew together... we suffered together.

So now here we are... 2 months later trying to cope and put our life back together.

So when I say that I took a first step and tried something new... it is a good thing. A very good thing. I tried something new and it made me smile.